omg. it's been awhile!

updates in my life!

wow, where do i start? well, the last post i made was regarding the death of Nate Dogg. I was truly sad to hear the news. Shortly after, I went on a trip to Livingston, Guatemala to study the Garifuna with a friend of mine who is completing her Watson Fellowship in Latin America. She has inspired me to do the same. I was gone for about 10 days; unfortunately, it left me so behind in school that I was unable to stick to my personal goal of updating this particular blog on a more consistent basis.

After coming back from Guate, I suppose I began the process of running for President of my campus. I ended up winning, becoming only the third black President of the student body. I feel inspired, motivated, afraid, pressured, and excited all at the same time. The campus is rife with issues that need to be pointed out in a public forum and I feel that I'm just the person to bring everything to light; the ultimate goal is to uplift the entire campus and push for a tighter, stronger, more unified community.


I've been thinking about my personal goals lately and I've realized that I haven't been writing as much as I could be. Writing is my healing but I haven't been able to do it on a regular basis. Because of this, my anger and frustration has been taken out on my loved ones, especially my closest friends and my partner. Speaking of my partner, it's been a rocky road trying to walk the tightrope in deciding whether or not to be public about our relationship. Gossip spread faster than our relationship developed and now everything is catching up with us...especially because of this:


Autostraddle Calendar Girls 2012. Shit, if I can't write about it on my own blog, then I don't know where I can actually talk about it. I've been trying to keep it under wraps forever, but seeing as though I went and did this shoot in January, I figure that it's time.
 
I guess it's a little difficult having hundreds, maybe even a couple thousand people know who I am. It's not a huge celesbian boost (thank goodness), but it's a bit substantial for me and it made me nervous. I have family members and friends who don't know about my personal life, and as for most of those details, they shouldn't know either. But this was an achievement that I couldn't even share. It wasn't until the premiere of The Real L Word Season 2, episode 201 "Fresh Start" that people recognized me on TV and starting asking me questions...I had to give answers. 


Now I'm a rising senior in college and an internet personality (somewhat). I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my life after graduation but I'd like to spend it helping others, particularly those who are most disenfranchised: working class LGBTQ people of color. I'd like to travel and to learn and to meet new people. I'd like to learn better how to take care of myself and how to properly care for others. I'd like to uplift those around me and challenge those who don't challenge themselves.


I'm beginning to design my own path. I am beginning to mold myself into the kind of woman I want to be. I think everyday about the kind of places I want to go, the kinds of accomplishments I want to have, and the kinds of relationships that I want to build.


My birthday is rapidly approaching and I feel as though I'm keeping up with the goals I set for myself. This is a settling feeling for me. I'm not just wandering through life blindfolded. Oh, I can surely see.


This will be an amazing year. I can just feel it. I can feel myself growing and expanding and evolving.