shake a load off....

I've been sitting in my room, stuck in my bed because of a strange and random injury to my shoulder that left me damn near unable to move for the better part of two days. Was this my wake-up sign? Less computer, more everything else? Perhaps. I do spend the better part of my day, talking or reading. Reading or watching. Watching or thinking. Thinking or Stressing. And then more stressing. Every time I log into Facebook, I'm looking at who's doing what, or who's doing whom, or who's going where; all the things I'm not doing because I'm too busy going through FB watching them do it all. And what do I have? Some books on a nightstand, a FlipCam I have yet to meaningfully use, no money in the bank, and a bunch of film waiting to be developed. 

This isn't to say that I haven't been learning. Lord knows that would be an incorrect statement. I've been learning so much like, how to read different interpretations of the Bible, how to support other black women, how to deal with the pain of losing a friend, how to deal with the pain of not knowing who to turn to, how to rid oneself of jealousy and envy, etc. I've been learning about what kind of person I would like to be, what kind of person I currently am, and the things about myself that I'd like to change. 

All of this thinking leads to stress sometimes, which causes pain sometimes, and then leaves me in my bed, stranded and again, unable to do anything else but think. Shit. The cycle is brutal, no?

So I began to read a book on how to meditate. And I closed my eyes and became aware of my breathing. And fell into one of the deepest sleeps that I've had in a long, long, long time.

And here I am. Now, sitting here listening to music and in a significantly less amount of pain. "Liberation" by Outkast was playing when I first began writing this post, which is why the title is "shake a load off". Because that's what I need to learn how to do so that I can be the most successful student I can be this semester. 2 weeks and my semester begins and I need to be ready. I need to have my shit together so that everything can fall into place. I'm talking goals, aspirations, inspirations, etc. 

So many things are falling into place for me as we speak. I have an exciting new project that I'm being involved in, which could put me on a small scale in terms of queer visibility (this is very scary, but i'm excited). I have a few conferences and events that I'd like to attend during the semester and I'm excited about the chance to meet new people. And I think I might get this internship that could really further me in terms of my interest in film and screenwriting and help me to be a great volunteer within this amazing organization. I'm also looking forward to applying to some art internships over the summer! So I've got to get to work and repair my transcript, my academic self-esteem, and my personal sense of success.

let's go!