the time is here...

As my feet and hips are aching from doing the samba, my afro is suffering after being beaten down by a torrential rainstorm and tons of curious hands, and my mouth is suffering from dehydration, I'm sitting here remembering my time in Brazil and am fighting back tears. This has really been the most life changing experience that I have ever had. And you know what sucks? When you start to meet people you could see yourself really being friends with, at the end of your trip. It makes life seem so unfair. Salvador's skies opened up a hurricane-like rain storm, trapping us in Rio Vermelho under white tents for what seemed almost like hours. But in a typical Brazilian fashion, we cracked open a few cans of Skol and others began to play farol music for us to dance to under these tents. And we stayed that way for what seemed like forever until enough of us got really tired and decided to run all the way to the nearest club, in the downpour, so that we can really have our despedida properly.

We arrived at Bar Ali do Lado, soaked in water, smelling of storm and street, looking for the bar and listening out for music. And we got everything we asked for. I went directly to the bar and ordered the classic caipirinha and went to the bathroom to check myself. Brazil has not been good for my self-esteem as I've never not once felt attractive here in this country. But alas, I still looked a little good, at least good enough to dance and that's what I did. I headed to the dance floor. After finishing my drink and few minutes of samba, I was sweating more than a pig in heat. It was ROASTING in there. I spoke my Portuguese, slightly slurred, made friends with more Brazilians, and proved to my fellow Americans that I can groove to some samba music, too. We chilled like that for hours. And then it hit me, I'm leaving. And something inside me wished for the song that really started this whole passion that I have for Brazil to come on. And they played it...

Ninguem ouviu

Um soluçar de dor

num canto do brasil....

I fought back tears as my hips gyrated to the music, my hands reached upwards to grab my fro and I looked up at the singer smiling and winking at her to continue with my song. The male voices began to dominate. My mouth couldn't stop singing these lyrics passionately. People watched me as I almost floated along with the rhythms. This was MY song. This was my entry ticket to Brazil. And I had to sing it out of respect to my time here. Everything happened in a full circle. In June, we arrived to torrential rainstorms. In December, we departed with torrential rainstorms. It felt powerful. It felt like it all had a meaning. It was my time to go. It is my time to go. 

I was mostly bummed that my sister and bro Vivi and Leo couldn't see me tonight. I probably would have cried anyway. They mean so much to me. I really hoped to say goodbye.

I'm sad, now. I'm going to miss this place, these people, these sounds, these smells....I'm going to miss Salvador. I'm going to miss Bahia. I'm going to miss Brazil. I came here unconsciously needing to belong somewhere and I am leaving here with so many people saying "You are already Bahian. You are Brazilian. You are one of us." I don't even know if thank you is appropriate in those situations, but I said it anyway. Because I somehow felt more comfortable in myself. I felt like I could one day call Brazil, home.

It's been amazing. Absolutely amazing. It wasn't always good, it wasn't always bad, but it was always valuable. And I will never regret coming and I will always remember my time here. 

Goodbye Brasil, até......