I had a cry like that today. Except it was out of frustration. Listen, you ever have a moment where you realize that you do have some sort of talent but it's not as crisp or defined as you'd like it? That you have a passion or a dream but it just seems so far away? That you have all of these ambitions but it seems like you'll never have the motivation to pull through and achieve? Is this a coming of age thing? Where you realize that you don't want to be Mommy when you grow up and so you are deathly scared when you have to go out and blaze your own path, and face your consequences, and do your own thing?
I read today that a certain new favorite artist of mine, like many, was self-taught. And then I looked at my artwork today. And I realized that I don't have a "style." I'm only painting other art pieces for the sake of getting a nice grade in this class. But when I try to paint something ridiculously complicated from my imagination, I'm stuck. When I try to choreograph the dance I just made up in my head, my body won't move. When I try to write down the story, I just told myself, my hands stop working. What do you do when you feel that your biggest pieces of art are trapped in your head with seemingly no escape? I can't produce the art I know I have the talent to make.
I'm frustrated. Senior year is rapidly approaching. I'm going to need a thesis. I'm also going to need a plan. I'm not a person who plans, so planning is new to me. I leave that for my partner to do. But I'm going to need one, as everyone tells me.
I want to develop my voice. My writing voice. My artistic style. Now when I have all the time in the world in which to do it, I don't have the practice, the technique. Do I teach it to myself?
Is that possible?
5 naps:
i know exactly what you mean.this week i realized that something i wanted for like the past 3 years is out of reach, and id never failed at anything before in my life. it was a shock because even though I'm not cocky, any time I go for something I'm passionate about I go hard so this loss was just ridiculous.
but as an artist myself (grafitti) i get what you mean. in the beginning I learned techniques by looking at other people's work. and it took a while to figure out who Sheba is (thats my tag name). it takes time but you can't teach yourself personal style. it has to be organic or else its a paradox: learned style isn't your own style.
i hope you feel better. sometimes, we all need a good cry!
missdeeplyrooted.blogspot.com
oh luna, how i know that feeling... i think you still have time to figure things out. i often complain of the same things and always add "and i'm 30" on to the end of it. i have "some" talent in writing and painting and drawing, but i don't work it it. i don't do it for a living. hell i didn't go to school for it. and when i produce any art, it's okay, but it's usually copies of other work. i don't know what MY voice is. i like my style of writing, but how do you become a "writer"? you know... a paid one. how do you figure out how to do what you love, for a living, and lead a succesful, fufilled life in doing so? sorry this isn't a particularly insightful comment. it's just another cry, thrown out into that vast beyond. *head nod in solidarity*
I can relate 100%. I know that i need to spend more time getting to know myself and that I need to be patient with myself
I enjoyed reading all of your comments on this one.
@breukelensfinest, Yo, Sheba is a DOPE tag name. And I hope to see some of your work #solidarity
@sweetbonita, I feel you girl. Let's us talk about this some more. I think mutual collab could help us draw ideas from each other. #solidarityfist
@NinaG, Spending time with ourselves is essential. Patience is what takes the energy out of us.
i still can't say all that came to me as i read this post.
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