an exercise from tumblr. i had fun writing it.

it's like...

boneappetit:

I get it..

you’re “cool”

you smoke weed

you have trendy bod mod

you love sex

you have the latest hair trend, natural or cut up

you wear cool clothes

you quote cool movies, books, and music…

but who are you?

What are your fears? Who do you love? Who do you hate?
Are you happy? What’s your favorite color? Do you have a cherished childhood toy? How do you see yourself at 60?

i like this. and though all of the above doesn’t necessarily apply to me, i’ll answer anyway.

My fears are of failing in life, of never discovering what I’m actually good at. Of never truly creating meaningful relationships with people. Of spiders and roaches, of falling out of windows, of death. Of never being able to comfortably live my life as I am. I am afraid that I’ll never find myself to be beautiful enough to deserve love.

Who do I love? That’s easy. My family, of course. My dog. My real friends who are more like my spirit watchers. My partner.

Who do I hate? People who fail to recognize the humanity in others so much so that they feel privileged enough to rob others of their right to live. 

Am I happy? If you mean that deeply euphoric, soul stirring, content with all that exists happy, then no. I am not happy. And I’m not sure how to be happy without first being sad. This is not to say that I don't go into each day without first being grateful that I get to live it and hope to make the best of it. 

My favorite color is turquoise. Or the color of the sky just above the sea, right as the sun hits the horizon at sunset. I’m not sure that beauty like that has an exact color.

Do I have a cherished childhood toy? I’ve tried really, really hard to remember one and no, I don’t think I do. My childhood was a strange one, I think. And I didn’t attach myself to bears, dolls, collectable items. As a younger child, I was married to the microscope. 

How do I see myself at 60? Confident with graying hair, elegant, poised, and wise. I see myself with knowledge of things to come. I see myself in shape, healthy, focused, determined, and accomplished. Polished yet relaxed. Serious yet eccentric. Outgoing and collected. Balanced. Well-rounded. Prepared to live another 60 years in STYLE. And with a family. A huge family. And a loving partner (whatever the gender). And of course, comfortable. Monetarily, mentally. Stable.