you never know

It's been an interesting week. I'm not exactly down and out, but I'm not exactly happy either. I'm looking out of the window now and while I'm writing these ominous looking clouds are approaching.  I think it might rain tonight. The heat is beginning to subside, the wind wrapping itself around me as I shiver at this desk. I'm in a peaceful mood. Goldfrapp is playing in the background. I'm trying to think of what I could possibly write for my paper. And I feel a tad bit lonely. I went to a churrascaria today with the rest of my program. I had my frohawk and a trendy shirt on. Some hipster glasses. Black jeans. Havaianas. And I felt lonely there, too. I didn't feel like I was a part of the group. The food was great, though.  I didn't really eat a lot of meat before I came to Brazil, but I had to chow down on that filet mignon. And it was WORTH IT. Sooooo good. And I had a great time discussing with a friend my hair process, how I started this blog, and how I feel about my hair now. I love my hair, though it frustrates me at times. Sometimes, I just want to cut it all off and start all over again. Then I realize that I really like it the way it is. I'm supposed to get it straightened tomorrow to see how much it grew since the chop in March. It's obvious that it's grown a lot but I haven't seen my hair straightened in two years. It's going to take a loooooooong time. I've also been thinking about getting a tattoo, something meaningful upon my return to the United States. I know that by then, I will have gone through a growth process: self discovery, self awareness, self doubt, and self love. All of the above. I'm young. I'm an adult. It's about that evolution. And I'm scared.

I'm touching my hair now and it feels so soft. I'm counting my money to see if I should go to the mall and buy a hair mask for my hair. I'm tempted to just hold on to my money until later, and then I can invest in some quality products. I mean, my hair isn't dying right now. In fact, it looks pretty darn good. It's healthy and it's soft. It twists well at night and when I take the twists out, it looks near perfect. I want to watch more tutorials and do cool hairstyles but I don't have 1) a great internet connection or 2) patience. Ha. It's healthy, though. That's all a girl can ask for!

Side note: Why in the hell does it cost $25,000 to bring Janelle Monae to perform somewhere? Like really? That's half of my tuition! Y'all tripping. And Janelle, tell your contact person to stop typing in all lower letters. I mean, geez. We're professionals, here, right? And if we wait a year, it's $75,000 because her career is continuing to grow? Alright then, yo.